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The current period signifies a full decade since the word “vanishing” entered the mainstream. Back then, the idea that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a mate has only become more confounding – an frequently fruitless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Zoomers, a demographic who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their Gen Y forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a extensive glossary to the phrases Zoomers is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To channel one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – According to gen Z, romance's gold standard is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend loosely based on a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies choosing someone who aids you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to couples who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits indicating a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits affirm your choice to date a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, largely harmless quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and frequently trivial repulsions that instantly extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {