Late-Night Hosts Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Television's top comedians devoted the evening ridiculing former President Donald Trump's just unveiled immigration program, called the "gold card," describing it as a obvious cash-for-residency system for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Spin

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic Christmas song targeting the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... ruins everything he handles."

The focus was the controversial plan that allows foreign nationals to acquire U.S. legal status for an investment of a million dollars, or "premium" tier for five million. An official portal guarantees approval "in record time."

"A brief message for you to affluent applicants: prior to you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the program is also intended to "squeeze cash" from businesses wanting to hire skilled workers, involving significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"Unprecedented vetting the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people completely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let rich overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"It might be time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll ratings amid financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a bid to tackle affordability, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted oddly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting right-leaning news arguments of Trump's financial record. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.